i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
