...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
People with herpes should wear stickers.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
