Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
