Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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