I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
