It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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