Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
