Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
