it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
