I need help removing her.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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