I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you win again, gameday.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize