Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
