I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
