I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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