WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
