I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
