4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
