I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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