It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
