Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
