all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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