Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
