I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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