so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
