Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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