so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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