well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
