all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
