Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
