Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
