If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
