how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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