What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
