You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
