Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
