You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize