so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
