Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
