The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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