My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
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why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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