If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
