idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
