Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm just crazy horny about you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
