You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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