i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
