he wants to bone in the snuggie
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
