dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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