I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My vagina is officially offended.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
