but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
