You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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