She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
