Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
