____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
