It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
