WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
