oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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