if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
