I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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