Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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