Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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