I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
